So I'm walking down the street in my neighborhood, and I give this homeless guy 40 cents. And he's all grateful, and he thanks me twice, and I feel a little good. So when I'm in the drug store looking for my Haribo gummi peaches (which they don't have. but check out that link - BULK DISCOUNT!), I pick him up a Clif bar, since I figure he gets hungry for "a blend of proteins and carbohydrates that the body can best absorb and use" on the street.
I get outside, walk back up the street to give him the Clif bar, and he doesn't want it. So I give him another dollar as he begins to explain his dietary scheme. And this dude has a full-on master plan. He starts talking about the Ritter Sport coconut, which is the center of his nutritional rations. As he elaborates, I get the impression this is his rationing plan for society, not just himself. He has a nutritional plan for society? That's not so odd, since he is homeless after all, and thus might be crazy. So I'm thinking the "Ritter Sport with coconut" must be some high protein energy bar akin to the "nutritional" Clif bar I just bought for him. He tells me they cost $1.59 at the deli on the corner, and the coconut is the best, but you can eat two in a row of the yogurt (but only one coconut). He then proceeded to offer me his second best piece of advice which was "padded toilet seats." Good for the lower back, apparently.
So I heed his advice and buy myself a Ritter Sport Coconut on my way home. It's a fucking chocolate bar. He's got this as the center of his nutritional scheme for himself and everybody else? Fuck that. It's candy. It's incredibly tasty though. I ate almost all of it before I pulled myself away. Tasty yes, nutritional no.
Did I learn anything tonight? I'm not sure. But as Emily always says, "you talk to strangers too much."
Posted by Ethan at February 25, 2003 10:17 PMIn pgh, a homeless guy wanted me to buy his bucket of change for 5 bucks. there were a lot of silver colored coins in there, so i agreed. then some other guy approached me, offering to sell me a box of stolen office supplies. he agreed that a box of change was a good price. i still have the tape dispenser. the end.
Posted by: mick on February 26, 2003 02:26 PMI wonder if that guy with the colorful sombrero is still around. He would say "does aaanyboody haaave annny chaange?"
Posted by: Monzy on February 27, 2003 10:25 AM