coffeefog

money

In honor of April, or "tax month" as Americans like to call it, this post is all about money.

About 4 weeks ago, on a Tuesday morning, I groggily stumbled up to the ATM machine at work. It's right off the company cafeteria, and I had my morning cup of coffee in hand, fresh and untouched. I needed money to feed my marshmallow habit, see. But what appeared before me was far more interesting than a stack of crisp and clean smelling twenties without a service fee. It was an abandoned ATM in diagnostic mode. No one was in sight. I approached cautiously. Luckily, I had my Canon S330 in tow, ready to capture the moment in full 1600x1200 beauty. Behold, friends - this is the seamy underside of instant money; I saw up the skirt of giant international bank corporations and now you can too.

A few points to make about this picture:

• This thing has all sorts of funny buttons and menu items. Take a close look at the bigger picture here. I encourage you to print it out and form study groups of people geographically located near you. If you do form a study group, also make me a collage while you've got everybody together.
  
• My first instinct was "Holy shit! This is Windows! You can blue screen an ATM! somehow!" Sadly, closer inspection reveals it is NOT Windows 95 running on my ATM.
  
• WHY DIDN'T I PRESS THE DUMP CASH BUTTON? I know they have a camera and all, but what kind of trouble could I get in?

  Judge Judy: Did you walk up to an ATM in diagnostic mode, tell it to void itself of twenties, and leave? Don't lie - we have you on tape.
  Ethan: Well, yeah.
  Judge Judy: That's about what I'd expect anybody to do. Instead of prison, you get marshmallows!! Hooray!!!

• Hmmm... I just realized that if, in my court fantasy, they have tape of me pressing the dump cash button, don't they, in real life, have footage of me photographing the ATM? hmmm....
  

TAXES

My old position of "taxes are for nerds" has been rebuked by the US government. Also, I have been told that I am a nerd on 3 separate occasions this year, so I will be doing my 2002 taxes this week. Tax season isn't fun at all. You know why? Cause there's no mascot. Christmas has Santa. Easter has a bunny. Tax season could have an accountant who taught you all about IRA's and took away 1/3 of your toys or something. That would get kids, and everybody, in the spirit. Also, there are no tax parties where you get drunk and sing tax songs. That is another thing I would change if you elected me your student body president. Thank you, over and out.