My girlfriend's favorite piece of luggage got stolen by a crackhead at the laundromat last night. She left it empty and unattended (while its laundry payload spin-cycled) for 15 minutes while she ran home, and when she got back a sorta-helpful guy, but not that helpful because the shit still got stolen, told her what had happened. That a tall skinny woman who "looked like hell" was standing around, sketchily eyeing the bag, and then eyeing him. Sorta helpful guy went down the street to get the rest of his laundry, came back and both crackhead and bag were gone.
I should point out now that we actually have no idea whether the girl was a crackhead or not - I mean no offense to any real crackheads. But, really, who the fuck steals a used empty rolling-travel-bag (too big for carry-on) from a laundromat? Estimated street value: $6
So, I just happened to be in my car nearby when Emily calls me with the "a crackhead just stole my bag" story. So now it's time for me to be big bad macho boyfriend man, track down the crackhead and bring some street justice Serpico-style. I cruised up and down the lower haight for a while (in my Saturn with my Warren G - Regulators tape playing to get me pumped up) looking for a crackhead with my beloved's favorite black travel bag.
I THANK GOD that I didn't find her. Can you picture me trying to retrieve stolen belongings from someone who's actively in need of a heroin and/or crack fix?
Ethan: How much for the bag? Girl with bag: $18 Ethan: How about you give it to me for free because you just took it from the laundromat and it belongs to my girlfriend?And I'm pretty sure that, had this conversation actually happened, here's where I would have gotten my ass handed to me. Even by a strung-out girl. Yep. Probably any girl could kick my ass, really.
Now you've got me wondering whether or not I could kick your ass. Purely out of scientific curiosity, I assure you.
Posted by: daisie on March 5, 2004 11:28 AM